Friday, September 07, 2007

Hanging in there

Thank you all so much for your support, your hugs, and prayers. It means so much. So sad that so many of you have been through it too. I'm doing pretty good. Physically it's not too bad. Emotionally, I'm hanging in there.

Yesterday for school, Cameron just did math. I didn't feel like bothering with anything that was going to involve even the tiniest bit of stress. The section was numbers up to 1000 and Cameron was so excited by it that he did two workbook exercises instead of just one.

After that we spent the rest of the day doing crafts. The kids painted these little wooden toys that we had picked up at Michaels for a dollar or less each.

Next we started working on our Egyptian god dolls. We got the bodies made and the face appendages molded. The picture didn't turn out too great, but you get the idea.

I've found that crafts are great distraction techniques. I spent all morning today gluing the pieces together and making little felt outfits. Now we just need to paint them. I really had a fun time with them. I know, I know, they were supposed to be crafts for the kids but the perfectionist in me wouldn't let them help much. They are coming out really cute and I can't wait to share them with you. I hope I will allow myself to let the kids play with them when they're done, lol. I may not. I've grown pretty attached. ;)

No schoolwork was done today because I spent all morning playing with dolls and then it was time to go to our favorite park day. There was a wonderful group of people as usual and thankfully only two knew I had been pregnant. One was G, who knew the whole story and very sweetly avoided my gaze the entire day so that I wouldn't start crying again, lol. Unfortunately it didn't work because I had to tell my friend M about the loss. She was almost as heartbroken as I because she had been planning on vicariously living through it with me. And then as we were leaving I had to tell someone else because she saw me popping a pain killer and asked what I was taking it for. I started to cry almost as soon as I said, "nothing I want to talk about right now" and then felt that I owed her an explanation lest she think I had terminal cancer or something. I probably should've just told everyone when we first got there but it's so much easier to talk to my virtual friends about. I hate for people to see me cry.

So that's what we've been doing. Thanks again for being here for me. You guys are the best.


Cathy said...

Sweet Jenny - I haven't been able to stop thinking about you today. HUGS coming at you virtually...and I hope your tears run out soon...

Pixilated Mum said...

I cried yesterday thinking about your loss ... I was going to experience your pregnancy vicariously, too ... I've been sending prayers for healing.

When I lost my baby, I remember the loss coming to me in waves. I'd cry then be numb and distract myself with something (like a movie or just fiddling around with something) ... then I'd remember and cry then be number and so on ... It was a cycle.I grieved for a very long time.

Crying is good. Talking about it with trusted friends is good, too. It's part of the grieving then healing process, so, honeylamb, do not be apologetic or feel bad about crying!


G said...

I felt like such a dork today - I wanted so badly to offer you some sort of comfort, but I figured most people there didn't know what was going on, and I didn't want to make you cry.

My great-grandmother believed crying was very healthy, and I agree - it is a great way of releasing pain. Still I hope your tears dry up soon. {{{Hugs}}}

MiPa said...

I, like Maria, remember grief in waves. In fact yesterday as I wept for you I totally re-hashed the memories of every phone call I had to make, the aloneness I felt until DH came, etc. Eight years later I still have grief periods. Don't rush the grief. Distract when you need to for the kiddos, but allow you what you need as well. I'm praying for quick healing and peace. ((hugs))

G said...

BTW, I love the Egyptian god doll idea... I think I will have to steal it. They look really neat!

my5wolfcubs said...

I too have BTDT...sometimes tears are better than words. (((hug)))
Lee...who should have more then 5 wolf cubs